I believe that this world is becoming more idealist natured, then realistic.
It scares me at times.
Eyes need to be opened.
Until then I'll be patient and hold on. 

At times I feel as if I am holding myself back from being able to truly live. They say the summer before your senior year is suppose to be your greatest. For me though it is nothing more than over analyzation combined with a bunch of what if's. A list of theories if a name is needed for them. I wish at moments I could be more spontaneous; more out there, instead of holding back and thinking of the consequences of my actions could be. 

Like maybe if I wasn't so held back; that boy could be mine or maybe if I didn't play up the innocent facade I have, I wouldn't be looked upon as nothing more than a mere child. Truth of the matter is, I'm not. I take too much caution in ever aspect of my life and as a result it is starting to hurt me both mentally and physically. 

I have this crushing feeling that if I keep this whole, bubbled self, reputation up I'm going to be alone for quite a while. It leaves a feeling of dread upon me. A feeling that something is slowly entwinging around my lungs and constricting. I'm left gasping with no insight of what is to come.